Top Advice for Parents Before the 4+ Exam
By the time you are in the final weeks, the underlying preparation has already done its work. What
matters now is calm parenting, sensible routines, and small final calibrations. Here is the advice I give
every family in the run up.
Six weeks before
1. Sit your second mock
If you have done one mock already and worked on the feedback, this is the week to sit the second. The
gap between mocks should be enough to build skills, not so long that the format becomes unfamiliar
again.
2. Confirm logistics for each school
Date, time, address, what to bring, dress code, parking. Print or screenshot all of it. The mental load of
last minute logistics is a meaningful source of parental stress.
3. Drive past the schools
If you have not been on a tour recently, take a drive past each school with your child. Talk warmly
about it. “This is the pretty school we visited. The garden is round the back.” Familiarity reduces
day-of novelty.
Two weeks before
4. Tighten sleep routines
Bedtime by seven for younger four year olds, by seven thirty for older. A four year old who has been
sleeping eleven hours nightly performs significantly better than one running on ten.
5. Reduce late afternoon screen time
Late afternoon and evening screens reduce focus and disrupt sleep at this age. Substitute with
reading, drawing, building, baking, walking. Little adjustments compound.
6. Avoid major life events
Where possible, avoid big trips, parties, or major routine changes in the two weeks before. Steady is
the friend of performance.
One week before
7. Light, playful continuation
Continue daily reading, conversation, fine motor activity, but lightly. Do not introduce new content or
push hard. The skills are there. Now they need rest, sleep, and calm.
8. Practice the assessment day morning routine
If your child rarely eats breakfast at the table or rarely puts on a coat by themselves, practise these
specific things this week. The day itself should feel familiar.
9. Plan your route
Drive or walk the route. Time it with traffic. Identify parking. Build in thirty minutes of buffer.
The day before
10. Normal day, early bed
Resist the urge to do anything special. The goal is normality. Park visit, normal dinner, normal
bedtime. No special talk about the next day. Slightly earlier bed if possible.
11. Pack the bag the night before
Whatever the school has asked for, plus a snack, a water bottle, and your child’s comfort item if they
have one. Done at night, not in the morning rush.
12. Plan something nice for after
A trip to the park, a visit to a favourite cafe, a small outing. Something to look forward to that lifts the
day above the assessment itself.
The morning of
13. Calm, ordinary, fed
Wake with buffer time. Real breakfast. Comfortable clothes. No assessment talk. Light music or songs
in the car. Arrive five minutes early. Brief warm goodbye. Walk away.
14. After collection, light and warm
Light questions. Plan to do something fun. Resist the urge to debrief in the car. Save those
conversations for partner time, away from your child.
Things I would not do
A few things parents sometimes try in the run up that backfire:
- Bringing in a tutor in the final fortnight. Underlying skills cannot be built that fast.
- Heavy academic content. A four year old does not benefit from being walked through phonics
in the days before. - Discussion of likely outcomes. Children pick up the catastrophising even when not directly
said. - Overscheduled run up. Parties, visits, exciting trips. The system needs to be ready for steady
performance. - Comparison conversations with other parents. Useful for you, contagious to your child if
overheard.
What to do for yourself
The 4+ is stressful for parents in ways the child often does not feel directly. Look after yourself in the
run up:
- Sleep, food, exercise. The basics, kept consistent.
- Avoid Mumsnet 4+ threads. They amplify rather than soothe.
- Talk to one or two trusted friends, not ten panicking ones.
- Have a clear plan B mentally. “If X says no, we go with Y. We will be fine either way.” Reduces
the sense that everything depends on one outcome. - Do something kind for yourself the morning of the assessment. Coffee with a friend, a walk, a
quiet hour.
If you would like a final calibration call in the run up, please book a free 15 minute consultation. We
will help you focus on the things that matter and let go of the things that do not.
Frequently asked questions
What if my child gets ill in the run up?
Most schools will reschedule sympathetically. Call them as soon as you know. Do not push through with a sick child, performance will be poor and you will worry.
Should I do a final mock the week before?
Usually no. The week before is for rest and calm. A mock too close to the real thing risks fatigue. The third mock, if you choose to have one, is better at four to six weeks out.
What if I am very anxious?
Acknowledge it without amplifying it. Talk to a partner, a trusted friend, or your child's preparation team. Do not bring the anxiety to your child. Sometimes parents benefit from one or two sessions with a therapist in the run up.
How do I keep my child calm?
By being calm yourself. Steady routines, real conversation, daily warmth, plenty of sleep. The internal weather of your home is the largest factor.
Should we celebrate after each assessment?
Light marking, yes. Treat for the child. But not over-celebration that elevates the stakes for the next one. A favourite snack and a park visit is the right tone.
