Most Common Mistakes Parents Make in the 4+ Exam
If my other piece on 4+ mistakes is about the structural decisions made over months and years, this
one is about the day itself. The morning of, the arrival, the goodbye, the few hours after. Small choices
that matter.
1. A rushed morning
The biggest single mistake. A child who arrives flustered, hungry, or hurried, performs worse for the
entire assessment. Plan to leave with thirty minutes of buffer. If you arrive early, walk around the
block. Do not arrive late.
2. Skipping breakfast
A four year old without breakfast is a four year old whose blood sugar will crash mid-assessment. Eat
breakfast. A real breakfast: porridge, eggs, toast with peanut butter, fruit. Not just a banana on the
way.
3. Wrong outfit
Wear something comfortable, simple, and easy for your child to manage themselves. Not the brand
new dress they have never worn. Not the stiff trousers that make sitting cross legged uncomfortable.
Not shoes with complicated buckles they cannot do up.
If the school has a dress code for assessments, follow it. If not, smart casual that your child can move
and play in.
4. Lengthy last minute coaching
Reciting facts on the way in. Last minute reminders about saying please. “Remember, look the teacher
in the eye.” “Do not forget to ask for help if you need it.” “You know about the planets, do not you?”
All of this signals to your child that the day is high stakes. Children freeze under high stakes. Talk
about anything except the assessment in the car. Songs, what is for lunch, what you can see out the
window.
5. An anxious goodbye
Children mirror parental emotion at the goodbye with surprising precision. If you crouch down, hug
them tightly, look slightly tearful, whisper “You can do this, my brave girl,” you have signalled that
this is something to be brave about.
Better: a brisk, warm, ordinary goodbye. Hug, kiss, “See you later, have fun,” and walk away. Even if
your insides are churning, externally, ordinary.
6. Hovering at the door
Some parents linger at the doorway, watching their child settle. The child senses you are there, looks
back, struggles with the half-separation, eventually settles harder than they would have done with a
clean break.
Hand off, walk away, and trust the school.
7. The post-assessment interrogation
When you collect your child, you desperately want to know how it went. Resist the urge to interrogate.
Children at four cannot accurately report on their performance. They will tell you what they think you
want to hear, or report only the most memorable moment (good or bad), not the overall arc.
Better questions: “Did you have a nice time? What did you do? What was your favourite bit?” Light
and warm, not investigative.
8. Sharing parental anxiety with your child
After assessment, parents often debrief with their partners, friends, family. Within earshot of the
child. “I am not sure how it went. They did not say much. I think they had a wobble.”
Children who hear this internalise the anxiety. Better: have those conversations later, away from the
child, ideally over a glass of wine after bedtime.
9. Multiple assessments in the same week
Stacking three or four assessments in the same week is a common mistake when families have a long
school list. Children at four become tired and effort drops. Spread assessments out where possible.
Aim for one a week, with rest days in between.
If schedules force a stack, prioritise the schools that matter most for early in the week, when your
child is freshest.
10. Comparing to siblings
If your older child sailed through their 4+ five years ago, parents sometimes expect the same arc for
the younger child. Each child is different. Compare each child only to themselves, both in preparation
and in interpretation of results.
11. Treating the day as final
After the assessment, parents often spiral into outcome predictions. “Did that mean they will offer?
Did the assessor smile or grimace? What does it mean that she said ‘thank you’ in a particular tone?”
Most assessors are warm and pleasant regardless of decision direction. Reading meaning into ten
second interactions tells you nothing reliable. Wait for the offer or no, manage the wait calmly, and
prepare for either outcome.
Our 4+ Mock Assessments include a written report so you have something concrete to focus on rather
than reading micro-expressions. Practice the day calmly, in conditions that match the real thing.
What to do instead
A useful checklist for the morning of the 4+:
- Wake up with thirty minutes of buffer.
- Eat a proper breakfast together.
- Wear comfortable, simple clothes.
- No assessment talk in the car.
- Arrive five minutes early. Walk if you arrived too early.
- Ordinary, brief goodbye.
- Walk away. Get a coffee. Trust the school.
- Pick up calmly. Light questions only.
- Plan something nice for the afternoon. Park, lunch out, library.
- Debrief with partner or friend later, away from your child.
Frequently asked questions
What if my child cries at separation?
Hand off briskly to the staff. Crying often resolves within five minutes once the parent is gone. Hovering or returning makes it worse.
What should I bring with me?
School papers, a small water bottle for after, a snack, your child's comfort item if they have one (some schools allow, ask first), and patience.
What if my child has a meltdown the morning of?
Stay calm. Acknowledge the feeling without amplifying it. Offer a small distraction. If genuinely too distressed, call the school, most will reschedule sympathetically.
How long is the assessment usually?
Fifteen to thirty minutes for the group activity, plus arrival and departure. Plan for an hour at the school in total.
What time of day is best?
Most children are sharpest mid-morning, between 9.30 and 11.30. If you have a choice of slots, pick that window.
